I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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