This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
