the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
birth control should be required to get into college
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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