mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
