Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
