The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
