she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
