Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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