It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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