Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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