There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
