What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
