My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
