Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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