eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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