You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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