I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
