Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
