my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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