it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
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I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
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Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.