My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.