u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.