I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
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I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.