Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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