Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
