remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
