my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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