you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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