This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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