apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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