opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Did I show you my penis last night?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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