I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
