my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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