I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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