Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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