You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have fence marks all over my body
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
