Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
