Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
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He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!