Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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