I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.