How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina