I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first