i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.