I bet he comes in French.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"