he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
