need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
