it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
