i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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