if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
