If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
