Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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