So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
