someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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