i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
