seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
