pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
