I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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