someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think my moral compass just broke
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
