I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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