Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My ass is underappreciated
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
