Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I came so hard my ears popped.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
