What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
