Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
