Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
did i just pee glitter
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
