So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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