I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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