You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
