Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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