I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
