my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
