we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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