i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
