I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
