is your mom at the bar?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize