I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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