I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
