Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
