Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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