What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
