party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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