Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
