Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
