I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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