Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
