that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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