Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
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My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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