then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My pussy is not your playground.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
